someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
