My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i already hear my dad disowning me
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
