then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
