If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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