her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
