I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
