Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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