So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
So squirting runs in the family.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
