I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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