I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
