You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
