I'm jealous of your bromance
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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