my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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