...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
