YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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