Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
