he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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