It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
