it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Who put my cat in the fridge?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize