He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
