i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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