Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Randomize
