U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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