dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
