is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
