i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
