Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
