I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
