The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
