So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
