hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
