sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
