Small penises have feelings too.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize