There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
