you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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