So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
