Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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