I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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