my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize