how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
