the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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