Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
he puts the penis in happiness.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
