I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
