She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
