It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
