do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I am mentally ready for anal.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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