I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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