the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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