Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
