my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
