Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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