I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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