I accidentally had phone sex last night
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Be still, my beating vagina.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
