I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
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