So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Randomize