WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize