dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
tonight lets celebrate not being married
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I didn't notice because vodka
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Randomize
