she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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