we have officially lost it.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
