Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
The ass gains better be worth it
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