I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
