and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
