i think i have herpe
just one?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
