i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
