alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize