Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
