Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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