He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
