READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
