is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize