Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
