i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
