I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
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