Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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