i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
The air taste purple.
Randomize
