there was a trapeze. enough said
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
