somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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