hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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