I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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