you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
