So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
