it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
