so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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