it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
