cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
