I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
