Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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