Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
