Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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