i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
