I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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