Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
