how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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