I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
