You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
