Her vagina should come with caution tape.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
