There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
