my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Holy sore nipples Batman
All I want is dick and wine.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
