just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Randomize
