I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
love makes seman taste better
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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