we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
