There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Enjoy the penises
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I know her cup size but not her name....
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
