i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
