Jerry, you need to find god
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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