I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
