you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
bring money and cleavage
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
