he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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