Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
In America we eat man semen.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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