Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
