i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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