are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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